Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Depths of Despair

"You're not eating anything," said Marilla sharply, eying
her as if it were a serious shortcoming.  Anne sighed.

"I can't.  I'm in the depths of despair.  Can you eat when
you are in the depths of despair?"

"I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say,"
responded Marilla.

"Weren't you?  Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were in
the depths of despair?"

"No, I didn't."

"Then I don't think you can understand what it's like.  It's
very uncomfortable feeling indeed.  When you try to eat a lump
comes right up in your throat and you can't swallow anything,
not even if it was a chocolate caramel.  I had one chocolate
caramel once two years ago and it was simply delicious.  I've
often dreamed since then that I had a lot of chocolate caramels,
but I always wake up just when I'm going to eat them.  I do hope
you won't be offended because I can't eat.  Everything is
extremely nice, but still I cannot eat."

Anne of Green Gables

I don't have much in common with the wonderfully feisty and imaginative Anne Shirley of LM Montgomery's beloved novels. For one thing, the girl technically can eat and is choosing not to in this scene—what a fool. But after my appointment with the surgeon today, I think I understand what she means in the passage above. I am in the depths of despair.

My surgeon has officially and sternly sentenced me to no chewing, whatsoever, of any sort, under any condition...until the six week mark. In case you haven't kept count, today is two weeks post up. This means that for another month, another 4 weeks, another 27 days, another 81 meals...I will be drinking my food.

I'm telling you...depths of despair.

And on top of the despair is a bit of confusion. I've read lots of blogs and seen lots of videos of people getting the okay to chew soft foods two weeks, three week, four weeks post-op. I don't understand why my surgeon is being so rigid with the old-school six week rule. I don't understand, and I don't like it. ...And so the struggle continues.

Lucky for me, I've had some loved ones in my life come along side me and support my unfortunate chew-free lifestyle with empathy, choosing to endure a liquid diet themselves. My friend Nikki spent three days drinking her food; my mom stuck to protein drinks, sparkling water, and soup today; and as my fiance heads back to school, he's nixing solid foods until sunset on the days we don't see each other (Wednesdays-Fridays). Man, do I feel supported and loved.

I guess the depths of despair aren't so deep after all with such wonderful people around...

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