Crooked or Crazy

Each time I see my surgeon I like him less and less. He makes me feel like my questions are stupid and my concerns are irrelevant. Basically, I walk in feeling pretty good and I walk out feeling frustrated.

I went in today for my weekly appointment and asked him about the whole lopsided-face-thing that I mentioned in my video last week. Since posting it, I did a little more feeling around and found a lump on one side of my jawline that I don't have on the other side, and I thought that might be the issue. I've had multiple people feel my face just to make sure I wasn't imagining things, and they all agreed and validated my discovery.

So, I presented the perceived problem and what-do-you-know—not only did the doctor blow it off, telling me there are even bumps on both sides that make my face extremely symmetrical, but he made me feel like an imbecile for even asking him to check. He then gave me the whole "everyone's face is slightly asymmetrical" speech, which I'm already well aware of, and tried to send me on my way.

"Before I go, I'd love to see an x-ray," I said. He obliged, as they needed to take a post-op x-ray anyways. And here's what pops up on the screen:

....Uhhhh? Either I'm completely crazy or that cut across my lower jaw is definitely crooked.

"Proof!" I thought. "He can't look at this and tell me I'm wrong. It's obviously abnormally asymmetrical!"

I thought wrong. He quickly glanced at it, telling me my head must have just been tilted in the x-ray. I fought back, pointing out the major inconsistencies between each side, measuring distances with my fingers, making every argument I could to prove I'm not blind or stupid or irrational. He didn't listen to a word of it. He told me everything's straight and balanced (which it's just not), that I should stop over-analyzing everything and quit looking at my face so much (um, sorry for trying to get used to my new appearance?), and walked out of the room muttering something about, "This is why patients should never be allowed to see the technical side of things" (excuse me, I'm paying for the x-ray; I'll see whatever I want).

Part of me thinks he can't admit to anything. If he made a mistake and made my face crooked, he'd probably have to fix it on his own dime. Plus, he probably doesn't want to admit to anything. That would mean he was wrong, and heaven forbid that I be right about anything. Ever.

So, like I said, either my face is crooked or I'm totally crazy. The thing is, I don't mind so much that my chin is lopsided. I was more just curious as to why than wanting a refund or a re-do. The bigger deal was the way I was treated like a total fool. Because this recovery is hard enough without people—the surgeon, especially—belittling you while you're down.

That's it.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I feel a little better now.
K, bye.